The Superhero Movie! Part 2

Thankfully, Gary could get all of the things he wanted AND kick Mark McGwire's ass; seeing as it was a WalMart supercenter. Right when Gary gets there, Mark is already wreaking havoc. He was on the roof, forcing customers to buy Upper Deck baseball cards at a ridiculously high price. Using his super speed, Gary gets into the store unnoticed.

First thing on the shopping list was a boombox. "That would be with all the electric stuff and the videos and CD's and stuff." Gary thought. He found a Sony that was even on Rollback! He then had to find a Lynyrd Skynyrd CD with "Freebird" on it. Thankfully this was WalMart, so they had 18 billion copies of "Pronounced Leh-Nerd Skin-Nerd." That too, was on Rollback, as was the six pack of Bud that he bought. Ok, an enlargement pump. That was right between the feminine hygiene products and children's department. "Cocksucker! It ain't on Rollback 'till next Tuesday. Oh, well." Gary said aloud in front of a woman walking by. She stopped and told Gary that she was offended by his language. He told her to leave immediately or else he would rape her children.

Gary stood in line for a half hour. This was WalMart, so only five of the 74 checkout registers were open. Because Gary had his WalMart keychain discount card, he saved a whopping 27 cents on the items he bought. "Time to get McGwire," Gary said as he was leaving the store.

After leaving the building, Gary proceeds to drink the whole six-pack of beer. He then confronts McGwire, who is selling fake rookie cards of Major League all-stars; similar to the cards sold on the home shopping network for seven times what they're actually worth. Mark sees him, and immediately comes out firing. His surprise attack was Sammy Sosa. Gary can't bear seeing Sosa smack his hand against his chest and blow kisses while saying "Come to the Dominican Republic." Gary then uses his first attack. He pulls out his boom box and starts playing "Sweet Home Alabama." Because this song sucks so much, it not only kills Sosa but it effects Mark McGwire, too. Mark then hits a baseball at Gary. This time, he took his steroids, so it wounds Gary. Gary, hurt badly, has to do something. What will he do? Gary, with a wry smile on his face, looks at McGwire and says "I'm gonna fuck you in your ass like your my mom." (Remembering his sexual experiences with his mom makes Gary begin to cry. Mark McGwire consoles him by giving him a hug and saying "It's ok, it's ok." Alright, back to the action.) Gary switches the track on the boom box and begins playing..... "Freebird!" Right when Mark hears the song, he knows that he's been defeated. Halfway throught the twelve minute guitar solo, Mark can't take anymore and explodes, transforming into a million candy bars. The candy bars are a delicious mix of chocolate, caramel, and Vagisil. But there was no time to celebrate, Gary had to save Waxen Meicoochen before the evil monkeys found her and ate her brain. (Oh shit! Did I forget to tell you about the monkeys? Fuck, too late now.) Gary beats the shit out of the janitor with a rainbow colored umbrella he stole and he steals the janitors keys. He gets to the ladies restroom, hoping to guess the key right. Thankfully, he guesses right on the first key, just in time to grab her before the monkeys lunged at her skull. He races to the Confederatemobile and sets the car at it's highest speed: "Sweet Home Alabama piano solo speed." They get to the concert just in the nick of time. Gary and Waxen got to hear great songs like.... like... ok, so Lynyrd Skynyrd doesn't have any good songs. Unfortunately, during the last song, Waxen gets up on stage and bites into an electrical chord from an amplifier; killing her and the rest of the Skynyrd band members who weren't killed in the plane crash. The camera goes in for a close up on Gary, who says "Well, at least she wasn't REALLY my cousin."

THE END!