The East Wing: Episode 1 (TV Pilot Episode)
Due to the success of my Superhero movie, I'm going into the TV business. Because this is a TV show, it will be a whole season of episodes (not just a couple of parts) and will be spread out between regular posts instead of being done in consecutive posts. This is a spoof of the government drama shows such as "24" and "The West Wing." With that being said, let's start the show.
The story starts when Saudi terrorist Mohammad bin Sheetin bombs a "Burning Man" festival, killing four people and injuring seven others. With the elevated terror alert level, the operators at Washington D.C. Terrorist and Pest Control Headquarters must check in on the status of terrorists every three days instead of being able to download porn 24/7. Now that President Mike Stevens (President Bush, VP Cheney, SecState and SecTreasury were all killed in an outbreak of herpes) can no longer download images of zebras fucking blonde bitches all day, he becomes extremely pissed and blames the whole situation on Homeland Security. He calls Tom Ridge a cocksmoking douche and tells him to go fuck a goat immediately, to which Tom Ridge replies "Look, Mr. President, I hate this situation as much as you do. I can no longer get my fill of gay porn. Do you think I'm happy about that?" President Stevens shakes his head and says to Ridge "You're a faggot and I hope your mom gets run over by the ice cream man." Extremely agitated, President Stevens shouts "Get me some goddamn coffee and formaldehyde!" President Stevens is an avid necrophiliac and must have formaldehyde in his morning coffee. The coffee seems to calm him, although the formaldehyde nearly kills him. Stevens' habit of necrophilia seems to annoy his wife, Shaneequa, but she puts up with it seeing as he isn't shoving his cock down Monica Lewinsky's throat. Shaneequa is an obese black lady and President Stevens often gets fantasies of cheating on her. He doesn't because Shaneequa is a surgeon who specializes in sex changes.
It's now 3:20 in the morning (the president is also an insomniac) and Stevens is on Google looking for terrorists with the first name of "Orville." This search is completely useless, as the only thing he came up with was a link to the website of a popcorn company. Exasperated, he forced himself to go to sleep so he wouldn't fall asleep during the environmental issues briefing. He probably would fall asleep anyway, because he didn't give a shit about the environment. It was obvious if you looked at the fact htat he had manatee fins for dinner the night before.
It's 6:30 in the morning, and President Stevens' secretary walks into the oval office, placing a note under the Adolf Hitler paperweight on his desk. The note said this: "The environmental issues briefing will start in approximately one hour. PS- Senator Fitzgerald's mom brought in Cheetos and cucumber-flavored Snapple for everyone to enjoy after the meeting."
"Holy shit! One hour? That's when the Blue Collar TV marathon starts! Fuck" said Stevens.
Even though he missed the first seven minutes of Blue Collar TV, President Stevens thought the meeting was quite interesting. They came up with a solution for global warming. It involved killing Colombian drug lords and using their bodies to patch up the hole in the ozone layer. He still didn't like missing the first third of Blue Collar TV, though. He was interrupted again when his secretary paged him over the intercom.
"Mr. President?"
"What, you bitch, I'm watching Blue Collar TV!"
"Tom Ridge wishes to speak with you."
"Tell him to suck my three-inch flacid penis."
"It's very important, sir."
"I'll be right over. Fuck."
"Mr. President, we have a possible lead in the Mohammad bin Sheetin case." said Tom Ridge. "Why couldn't your parents have been killed in a genocide that faded into obscurity before you were born?" Asked President Stevens.
"Sir, we need to put our differences behind us. This is huge, like the guy's cock in the gay porno I rented last night. Sir, we've caught the cousin-in-law of Mohammad bin Sheetin's secretary."
"Wow, that is huge. Thank you, Mr. Ridge." Stevens said. This was a big step in the case. For he knew that now they'd be able to ask the hard-hitting questions. Questions like: "What was Mohammad bin Sheetin's favorite Beatles song?"
The story starts when Saudi terrorist Mohammad bin Sheetin bombs a "Burning Man" festival, killing four people and injuring seven others. With the elevated terror alert level, the operators at Washington D.C. Terrorist and Pest Control Headquarters must check in on the status of terrorists every three days instead of being able to download porn 24/7. Now that President Mike Stevens (President Bush, VP Cheney, SecState and SecTreasury were all killed in an outbreak of herpes) can no longer download images of zebras fucking blonde bitches all day, he becomes extremely pissed and blames the whole situation on Homeland Security. He calls Tom Ridge a cocksmoking douche and tells him to go fuck a goat immediately, to which Tom Ridge replies "Look, Mr. President, I hate this situation as much as you do. I can no longer get my fill of gay porn. Do you think I'm happy about that?" President Stevens shakes his head and says to Ridge "You're a faggot and I hope your mom gets run over by the ice cream man." Extremely agitated, President Stevens shouts "Get me some goddamn coffee and formaldehyde!" President Stevens is an avid necrophiliac and must have formaldehyde in his morning coffee. The coffee seems to calm him, although the formaldehyde nearly kills him. Stevens' habit of necrophilia seems to annoy his wife, Shaneequa, but she puts up with it seeing as he isn't shoving his cock down Monica Lewinsky's throat. Shaneequa is an obese black lady and President Stevens often gets fantasies of cheating on her. He doesn't because Shaneequa is a surgeon who specializes in sex changes.
It's now 3:20 in the morning (the president is also an insomniac) and Stevens is on Google looking for terrorists with the first name of "Orville." This search is completely useless, as the only thing he came up with was a link to the website of a popcorn company. Exasperated, he forced himself to go to sleep so he wouldn't fall asleep during the environmental issues briefing. He probably would fall asleep anyway, because he didn't give a shit about the environment. It was obvious if you looked at the fact htat he had manatee fins for dinner the night before.
It's 6:30 in the morning, and President Stevens' secretary walks into the oval office, placing a note under the Adolf Hitler paperweight on his desk. The note said this: "The environmental issues briefing will start in approximately one hour. PS- Senator Fitzgerald's mom brought in Cheetos and cucumber-flavored Snapple for everyone to enjoy after the meeting."
"Holy shit! One hour? That's when the Blue Collar TV marathon starts! Fuck" said Stevens.
Even though he missed the first seven minutes of Blue Collar TV, President Stevens thought the meeting was quite interesting. They came up with a solution for global warming. It involved killing Colombian drug lords and using their bodies to patch up the hole in the ozone layer. He still didn't like missing the first third of Blue Collar TV, though. He was interrupted again when his secretary paged him over the intercom.
"Mr. President?"
"What, you bitch, I'm watching Blue Collar TV!"
"Tom Ridge wishes to speak with you."
"Tell him to suck my three-inch flacid penis."
"It's very important, sir."
"I'll be right over. Fuck."
"Mr. President, we have a possible lead in the Mohammad bin Sheetin case." said Tom Ridge. "Why couldn't your parents have been killed in a genocide that faded into obscurity before you were born?" Asked President Stevens.
"Sir, we need to put our differences behind us. This is huge, like the guy's cock in the gay porno I rented last night. Sir, we've caught the cousin-in-law of Mohammad bin Sheetin's secretary."
"Wow, that is huge. Thank you, Mr. Ridge." Stevens said. This was a big step in the case. For he knew that now they'd be able to ask the hard-hitting questions. Questions like: "What was Mohammad bin Sheetin's favorite Beatles song?"
posted by Zach at 5:10 PM
3 Comments:
however this show goes , should be better than the suckitude of the west wing.
Thumbs up your ass Zach,
thumbs up your ass........
Woot! Good stuff..
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